Social Penetration Theory: Growing pains of starting a new job, an inside look at Social Penetration theory in the work place.

Here I am, first day on the job, spending one hour with each and every person to learn more about their “job duties.” As if starting a new job isn’t stressful as it is, let’s just spend an hour with a bunch of people you don’t know. I attempt to get to know many of the employees (I was hired to talk to people after all) and at this time I begin to realize many of these people are apprehensive about self disclosure. Our conversations are superficial and the depth of the conversation do not go much deeper than about work. Thankfully, I am a communication major and can recognize this communication theory point blank.

Social penetration theory is a common theory recognized within the communication field. This theory basically states that we as humans grow in our relationships through self-disclosure and intimate details. What exactly does this mean to you?  In the movie Shrek , the ogre talks to the donkey about how, he, like an onion has many layers.  The same goes for social penetration theory, we as humans have different levels of self-disclosure and intimacy, like an onion, that when penetrated deeper, we have a stronger bond within that relationship.

When first meeting a new person, it is highly unlikely you are going to tell them your life story. If you did tell someone your life story within the first five minutes of meeting them, you might get labeled as a weirdo  (word to the wise, do not tell your life story within first five minutes of meeting a new person.) It is more likely that you will cover surface topics like work or family or school. For instance, many people like to ask “So, where are you from?” or “What school did you go to?” Within social penetration theory these are all considered surface topics. I also like to call them “safe” topics. I call them “safe” topics because this is the foundation on which social penetration theory starts. We still can have our mask on without revealing too much information; we haven’t revealed our true self yet. The mask theory is one I will discuss later on in another blog post.

A good example for this theory is to look at your best friend or someone you have known for a long time. Your relationship is so deep that they know you like the back of their hand. You probably have a million memories with that person – good and bad and yet your relationship is so strong. At one time though, you probably started out asking “Where are you from?”. You didn’t just meet and all of the sudden you know everything about them. Relationships have to grow, evolve, and deepen over time. This is done by self-disclosure and revealing intimate details about one’s life.

Considering we spend the majority of our life at work, this theory plays a pretty big role in the work place and grooming new employees into the crowd. Through this theory, this is how we build relationships. We have to have relationships in order to be successful in our position. By deepening our relationships, we establish trust. When we establish trust we feel comfortable. For example, I work directly with a project manager. I bring in a project, and he manages it to make sure everything goes smoothly. If I did not trust him, I would not feel comfortable handing over my clients to him. He and I have spent plenty of time together, and I had the opportunity to get to know him better. Through self-disclosure I got to know what kind of a person he is, how he views clients and business, and what his values are. All of those are extremely important to me, so the way my partner viewed them was crucial.

Social penetration theory can be used in many different situations: School, social gatherings, and many more. In the work place social penetration theory has a clear place in success and relationships. We all are like onions; you just have to peal back the layers to get to the core.